Loving You
by CelestialBlossom
Summary: Meilin is having a very crummy life...what will she do? Rated PG13 just in case.
1. Default Chapter

LOVING YOU

**By Celestial Blossom**

Before anything else, lemme just say to the two reviewers I had, I'm so so sorry I removed Loving You and deleted your reviews! I'm so so sorry but I had to coz everything was messed up and I just panicked…plz don't be angry…I've put it up again and this time the chapters won't be messed up!

**Summary:** With a lack of a better character to use, this fic will be about Meiling. Anyway, Meiling is having a very rotten life. I'll spoil this story if I give everything away, so…just read it.

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS. Happy?

Key:

"…" Speaking

… Thinking

(…) Translation

(*…*) Author's note

//…// POV (* there's only going to be Meiling's POV and normal POV throughout fic *)

**Bold** or _italics_ or CAPS is emphasized (* I don't know why, so don't ask *)

CHAPTER ONE 

//Meiling's point of view//

It's raining.

I like the rain. It's constant. The sound is like a low hum if the rain's heavy. And heavy rain makes everything else look hazy.

I'm Li Meiling. And everyone hates my guts. You probably do too. Oh well.

My life sucks. Why? Do you really need to ask? I'll tell you anyway then.

My parents abandoned me a week ago. I came home from school one afternoon and no one was there. Their clothes were gone. Their stuff was gone. Their pictures were gone. Everyone about them was gone, except for me. It doesn't take a genius to know what happened.

At first I felt very sad and angry. But there was no point to it. The truth was written there, loud and clear. I am a loser. Unwanted, unloved. No one cared about me anymore.

There is enough food in the fridge to last a month if I eat one meal a day. I have enough clothes to keep me warm. I have some savings hidden in a tin box. But I don't care anymore. I plan on leaving after the food finishes. Permanently. That is a very good idea. It'll do the whole world a favor.

I'll do the last good things before I go. I'll give away the clothes I own to charity. I'll give back any magical goods back to Li Syaoran or Aunt Yelan. I'll give my savings to Kinomoto Sakura as an apology for being rude to her back when I still loved Syaoran. I'll leave the house to Aunt Yelan in a letter after I go.

I apologize to everyone I've ever offended in a letter for my existence. I know I'm a curse on the world and that everyone would be better off without me. They probably won't even notice that I went.

I get up from the floor and change for school. Not that there's any point. All my education will be useless. I brush out my long black hair and put it up in its usual style. Not that anyone would care.

I pick up my backpack and begin walking to school. I leave the door unlocked because I don't have the key. Not that anyone would find anything valuable inside besides the savings.

I'm soaked halfway there, but I keep walking. I forgot my umbrella. Not that anyone would care.

It's getting cold and I shiver slightly. It'll be over soon.

End of chapter 

Author's note: Well, what do u think? Bad, good, depressing, shitty? Tell me in your review!


	2. Chapter Two

Celestial Blossom: Ah, I'm back…what do you think of Meiling now? And I promise all you Meiling Haters out there; I'm not her biggest fan! I hate her most of the time, but this storyline is not suitable for the other characters in CCS…so, live with it! Here's the next chapter for u people who r reading!

Thank you to:

Digifan1

Cygna-hime

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS…don't u know that already?

Key:

"…" Speaking

… Thinking

(…) Translation

(*…*) Author's note

//…// POV (* there's only going to be Meiling's POV and normal POV throughout fic *)

**Bold** or _italics_ or CAPS is emphasized (* I don't know why, so don't ask *)

CHAPTER TWO 

//Meiling's POV//

Alone. Always alone. On the school grounds, I'm always alone. Not that anyone else ever notices. I see people who hate me. They ignore me whenever they can. Not that I try to get their attention anymore.

I can see Sakura and Syaoran sitting under the cherry blossom tree, sharing lunch. I'm not jealous anymore, just sad that they both hate me. I stopped loving Syaoran years ago. After all, it was obvious he loved Sakura more.

I can see Tomoyo and Eriol hiding up in the tree, videotaping the couple. I would have smiled, but I can't. They both hate me too. I feel sick. Maybe walking in the rain wasn't such a good idea. Not that anyone would care.

The bell rings, so I get up to go to class. And get knocked down by students rushing by. They all hate me too. I get up and keep walking, looking at the ground. I don't want to see their glares, their looks of hatred. Even Sakura, probably the nicest girl in school, hates me.

I get my things and move to the classroom I should be in. I'm late. The teacher gives me detention. No big deal. It'll just give me time to waste. Or maybe I should just hurry up and find a knife.

//Normal POV//

The class stared at the Chinese girl as she trudged in, still damp and looking very tired. Of course, no one cared about her. She was an outcast.

Matsuri-sensei gave her detention. She didn't even flinch as she sat down in her seat in the back, where she sat next to no one. She had shadows under her eyes, and her usually vibrant ruby eyes were now a dull red. She had lost weight, and seemed so thin.

Meiling folded her arms and placed her head on her arms, looking out the window as the teacher began his lecture.

//Meiling's POV//

The petals of the flowers on the trees outside are so beautiful. Little flower petals with water droplets shimmer in the sunlight. Maybe, one day, I could be as pretty as those petals.

I had no idea what Matsuri-sensei was going on about. Maybe it was history. Wasn't there a famous suicide event in history? Maybe I should reenact it.

I kept sitting on my bottom for the rest of the lesson as well as detention. I almost smiled at the grades I was getting. They were so low. Not that anyone would care.

Maybe I won't come to school anymore. Maybe I should speed up my time and eat everything so I can use the knife in the kitchen.

The walk home was a little better, since it wasn't raining. I changed out of my uniform and began stuffing letters into envelopes. It wouldn't be very long till that day. My death day. I had to get all these letters out to everyone.

I had already gift-wrapped the magical presents that Syaoran was forced to give me when he was little. I had the savings stuffed into Sakura's apology letter.

I'm making some soup in the kitchen. I look at the chopping knife. It was so close; it would be so easy…I could feel the voices in my head eagerly encouraging me to do it. Just one swipe…and it would be all over. 

Someone's knocking on the door. Who could it be? Maybe it's the landowner here for the rent. I pad over to the door and slid it open.

It was the Snow Bunny, Tsukishiro Yukito, the borrowed form of Yue, moon guardian of the Sakura Cards. What on earth was he doing here? He's smiling, but still his face is expressionless. A talent of his.

"Hai? Tsukishiro-san?" I said after a moment of silence. He kept right on smiling and held something up. It was an envelope.

It was addressed to me. My parents had written. Something happened, that I couldn't control. Something was boiling inside me, just boiling.

I took the envelope.

I held it for a moment.

I held it up.

And ripped it to shreds.

And flung the fragments into the wind. I turned back to the Snow Bunny.

"Arigato gozaimashita," I said, and closed the door.

//Normal POV//

Yukito stared at the door, inwardly shocked. Meiling's emotionless face had so abruptly shown absolute rage as she mutilated the envelope and back again. He couldn't read anything in her scarlet irises as she closed the door in his face. Then he went on his way, still smiling.

//Meiling's POV//

I lay down on my futon and plugged up my ears with earplugs from my Discman. How dare they? I stared at the ceiling as the song drummed into my ear. Unwell by Matchbox Twenty was playing. I drew my quilt up to my chin and closed my eyes. The death day approaches.

~*~*~*~

I open my eyes again. It's late, I can tell. It's all dark around me. I need to eat something, so I can hurry up and get the knife. It's raining again, the torrent of water drumming on the roof.

I pad over to the kitchen and open the fridge. I'm glad the food's running out. That means my time will be sooner. I pull out a ¾ gone loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. I slather the spread all over the bread and eat it slowly. I toss the bread wrapper into the bin. As I eat, I sit down by the windows, leaning my head against the wall, looking out at the rain. 

The continuous heavy rain bends the flowers outside. The dream catcher just outside the door sways and chimes as the cool breeze blows towards the house. Rain is mesmerizing in a way. It's constant shh as the rain falls, the haziness it creates, the beauty of it when it stops, leaving traces of it on everything to sparkle in the sunlight.

My eyes droop again. I've been sleeping a lot these days. There's nothing to do but sleep anymore…

I slide into the blankets of my futon and close my eyes, letting the angel of sleep cast her spell.

End of Chapter 

Author's note: Sorry for my chapters being so short…I'm trying to put more description into my fic, but I'm trying to go for the 'short sentences say the emotion' kinda thing and if you don't get what I'm saying, don't worry. I'm just rambling on here…and please please please review! Tell me what you think of Loving You!


	3. Chapter Three

Celestial Blossom: Despite my low amount of reviews, I really intend on finishing Loving You, even if it kills me…but I thank from the bottom of my heart the authors and readers that took the time to read and review my fic!

Disclaimer: Again, you really don't think that I own CCS, do you? So me no own CCS, you no sue Celestial Blossom…

Key:

"…" Speaking

… Thinking

(…) Translation

(*…*) Author's note

//…// POV (* there's only going to be Meiling's POV and normal POV throughout fic *)

**Bold** or _italics_ or CAPS is emphasized (* I don't know why, so don't ask *)

CHAPTER THREE 

//Meiling's POV//

I don't want to go to school today. Not that anyone would notice. I should just wag it and go somewhere. Maybe watch one last movie. Not that I had any money to watch movies with.

Sighing, I change into my school uniform and pick up my backpack, slipping my feet into my walking shoes, walking slowly, my eyes on the pavement.

The sun's shining today. The beams are warming everything. The morning dew and last night's raindrops are sparkling and throwing mini-rainbows on the pavements in the sun. I see a peony bush nearby…Syaoran…

A rush of memories…Syaoran rescuing my bird, glomping Syaoran, getting jealous of Sakura because Syaoran kept blushing, the Fight Card hurting Syaoran…

My knees buckled as I began to cry. God, I missed my friends, I missed Syaoran, I missed Sakura, I missed Tomoyo and her camcorder, I missed Eriol with his annoying grin, I missed my friends…

"Li-san?" said a voice.

I looked up. It was him again. The Snow Bunny. Yukito. I wiped my cheeks and stared right back at him.

He was on a bicycle, with a basket of flowers on the back. He must be working for a florist, like one of the many other jobs he has.

"What's wrong, Li-san?" Yukito asked.

"Nothing," I lied. We both knew it. But the Snow Bunny didn't press it. Instead, he just reached into the basket and pulled out a fresh white rose, wrapped in cellophane and tied at the stem with a blue ribbon.

"Hai, dozo," he said, his usual smile still plastered on his face. I looked at him incredulously. The rose was beautiful, but I couldn't take it.

"Iie," I whispered, backing away. "I can't pay for it," I added.

"It's on me," Yukito said, holding it out to me. Timidly, I reached for the flower.

"Arigato," I whispered again, admiring the gorgeous rose. Yukito smiled at me and rode off.

"You're welcome, Li-san," he called back, and then pedaled away.

I turned back to walk home. There was no way I could go to school today with a rose in my hands. The girls would try to get at it because they hated me. I put the flower in water, hoping it'd last till I got home.

I got another detention for being late and yet another for forgetting my school bag. I just stared at the teacher calmly and seated myself at back of the room. I put my head on my arms to stare out the window again. Just a few more days…and this would all be over. Even with the rose.

//Normal POV//

Kinomoto Sakura watched the Chinese girl lay her head on her arms on the desk, as if to sleep. She had changed in the last few weeks. Sakura could see that Li Meiling had grown thin and gaunt, pale, tired, and looking older than she was. Actually, anyone with a pair of eyes and a conscience would notice. But she couldn't do anything.

Li Syaoran saw his girlfriend's gaze on something else, and followed her line of sight, which landed squarely on his cousin's bent head. A pang of guilt stabbed him as he saw her bony wrists, and how the uniform was loose on her skinny body. 

But when Matsuri-sensei began to explain the work, their attention was drawn to the teacher.

~*~*~*~

There was an announcement over the PA system. There would be a festival for the season in the Tomoeda Royal Park (* this is not a real place, obviously *). Each student was to attend short of breaking a body part.

Students swarmed around the school grounds, excitedly chatting about what they would wear and what they would do.

//Meiling's POV//

I was dozing off under a group of trees that concealed me from passersby. Stupid festival, who would want to go? I just lay back on the soft grass, tiredly looking at the sunlight through gaps in the leaves. So tired, I needed to sleep…I curled up into a ball and dozed off again.

When I came around again, the schoolyard was dead quiet. I must be late for class, I thought as I crept out from under the shade of the trees. I got another detention for lateness. Not that it mattered.

~*~*~*~

I was let out of the principal's office at 4:30 after completing three straight detentions. The festival would start soon.

My rose was still alive, but starting to truly die though. Might as well get ready for the damned festival.

I reached into my closet and found my one and only kimono. It was a royal blue silk with little white blossoms decorating the fabric. My obi was light pink with violet butterflies on it. My kimono was a present from Aunt Yelan. I must give it back to her before my death day.

I looked in the mirror after putting on my kimono. I let out my black hair completely. It was too long. I picked up some scissors. 

Yes, I could speed things up. Just adjust my grip a little and just plunge it into my flesh…but I can't die in Aunt Yelan's kimono.

I chopped off my hair in one go. More than half of the length was detached from my head. The tips of my uneven hair barely brushed the base of my neck. Yes, this was much better. And I looked so different. Dumping my hair into the bin, I combed out my hair and headed towards the park.

The festivities were already beginning, but I avoided the more populated center of the park and headed for the lake. It was quiet and a good place to think. I sat down on an old tree stump near the water.

Just two more days…till it was all over. Just two more days.

How would I do it? Slit my wrists and bleed to death? Overdose? Jump off a cliff? Get run over? Hang myself? My, there were a lot of options. Or maybe I should just use the old-fashioned technique of stabbing myself in the heart. Or, looking at the lake, maybe drowning is a good prospect…

"Sumimasen," said a voice behind me. I turned around. It was Kinomoto Touya, Sakura's overprotective oniichan. "Are you alright? The festival is over the other way."

"Daijoubu desu. I'm just trying to get some peace and quiet," I said to him. He doesn't recognize me. He's looking at me curiously.

"You look almost familiar," he muttered, looking closely at me.

I said nothing, just stared right back at him.

"You're that gaki's cousin, aren't you?" Touya said, frowning. I almost smiled. He was referring to Syaoran.

I remained silent. I waited for him to say something nasty about Syaoran.

"What are you doing, all by yourself?" Touya asked bluntly.

I said nothing.

"Answer my question, Li," Touya said firmly, addressing me by my last name.

"No."

"Answer my question."

"No."

"I told you to answer my question."

"No."

"It must run in the family," Touya muttered darkly and left.

I almost smirked. That was unexpected. Maybe, I should just speed things up and save myself a lot of time…this kimono's heavy enough to stop me from swimming…I could just jump right now…why not?

The clomp of my wooden sandals was muted by the shrubs surrounding the lake. It was deep, nice and deep…the water looks so nice…

"Oi! Gaki!" a voice called out, stopping me from jumping. It's Kinomoto Touya again.

I stepped back from the edge, standing there using my blankest expression possible.

He was carrying two ice cream cones. I almost tripped (and considering I'm standing still, that's a big thing).

"Nani?" I asked quietly, regaining my composure. He rolled his eyes.

"What the hell do you think? I got you something to eat, you look skinny," Touya said bluntly.

I took the ice cream and wondered if this was really Kinomoto Touya. Hopefully, the ice cream was poisoned…it'd save me a whole lot of time trying to decide how to die…

"Arigato," I said, for the second time today. Then I remembered. Yukito was Touya's best friend…he must have told Touya about me crying, so Touya was just being kind…I felt like choking on the ice cream right then, then I could die right there. I don't need their pity…I just need to get away from here…

What were the chances that Touya would walk away right now and let me go back to drowning or choking? Nil, at the moment…he seemed to want to eat his dessert right here…does he know what I want to do? Sakura mentioned once that Touya had some powers of his own…

~*~*~*~

The next morning, oh goody…just one meal left…tomorrow will be the day. I didn't go to school. I had to prepare…this house would be the only thing still here, all of my possessions were either given to charity or given back to the people who gave them to me in the first place. I would die in the one thing that really belonged to me- a pair of baggy navy blue tweed slacks, a pair of old hiking boots, and a long sleeved green shirt with a ying/yang symbol on it and a silver dragon curled up underneath. I had my silver chain bracelet, and my silver necklace with a ying/yang pendant with wings on either side.

I smiled broadly. My last day.

End of Chapter 

Author's note: Ahh, now I'm getting to the point (finally)…oh, well, I just want to apologize again for my short chappies and ask you one question:

If you would like to see Meiling paired with someone, who would you pick?

a) Yukito

b) Touya

c) Someone I make up

Oh well, that's all for now…ja ne! Plz review! Onegai!


	4. Responses

Celestial Blossom (frowning): hmm…well. I shall just have to respond to the following reviewers-

Vicki11- I'm very, very sorry that you dislike my fic. And yes, I admit, it's very OOC and not very in touch with the series or movies (the movies I have not seen at all), and I'm very sorry it's not acceptable for you. But I am better at writing depression fics than happy, joyful ones. But why couldn't I do it to some other character or Anime? Because CCS is my personal favorite and I have a right to be able to write fics for whichever Anime I want. I have taken into account that some things don't make sense, like how her parents don't live in Japan, and that most of the characters are so nice they'd never ignore her. But the whole point of the fic is that they did and that she is so unhappy she wants to commit suicide.

**Yes, I know very well that Touya and Yukito are a couple, but I do not support this pairing or any other homo pairing. I accept this pairing however because I am sufficiently open-minded not to criticize this. But unfortunately I must say something about what you said to me- I asked you to review my fic, not the characterization of Meiling. I know that many things don't click, but from what I gather, you simply hated my fic just because I portrayed Meiling differently from the way she was in the series. I happen to know there is another fic like this in the midst of FF.net somewhere but a bit different. So really…you only reviewed my characterization and not my fic itself.**

**Kasandora- again, I do not support homo pairings but I accept them. Yes, the world of CCS is very happy but things cannot always remain happy otherwise they'll get a tad boring without some complications to make us appreciate it. And yes, I know they're all good friends but I must change some things otherwise it won't be a fanfic at all. What did you expect me to write- you read the summary, you knew she was having a crummy life, you knew it was angst, what did you expect? Meiling to beat up whatever was mistreating her?**

**I have seen NGE and I must say that Asuka Langley Sohryuu is a complete and utter twit and they are different. ALS is a character I literally despise. Meiling is not despicable not matter what you may believe I have implied. I am on the way to liking her but she is still far from being my favorite. And during the fic, I am actually rather sympathetic in tone to her, be that a good thing or bad. I have not seen either of the movies unfortunately but I do believe you when you say Meiling has grown and changed. I'm sorry you're horrified but as I said to Vicki11, there are other fics that aren't necessarily happy cheer or completely in character out there and I do advise out of this that even if I'm horrified at how a character is portrayed in any fic, to keep an open mind out for anything. Some authors do change a character somewhat and their fics aren't bad at all.**

**And I'm asking you to review my fic, not my characterization. I am aspiring to become a full-on author and I'm asking for feedback on my fic, grammar, format, length, spelling, layout, not the character that will eternally belong to CLAMP or whoever. And before you say I'm being hypocritical, I also say that I understand why you dislike my fic so badly when it came to Meiling. But personally, I simply would not dislike a fic on the grounds it completely messed up my favorite character's personality if the fic was good anyway. But of course, we all would love our favorite characters to remain in character, so I understand what you're saying.**

**Cygna-hime- now comes the part where I thank you for being supportive of my fic. I haven't much to say except that (which you probably know by now) I definitely do not do homo pairings…but I will not tear apart Yukito and Touya because of the protests done about it, so I will have to create someone else to be paired with Meiling. Suggestions for names and personalities, anyone?**

**ClearDragon- your fics don't suck, and neither does your imagination.**

To the other readers (if there are any)- this is not a real chapter but you should all read the above responses to the reviews I've received so far and understand how I can put your reviews to good use. You may leave a flame, as you're entitled to, but make it something that I can work on if you must flame. You may leave opinions on characterization if you want, but please say something about the fic as well.

Celestial Blossom


End file.
